Finding out that your wife is having or has had an affair can be quite upsetting. These suggestions will assist you in taking practical action to deal with it.
Give yourself some breathing room.
You can be angry and hurt after hearing such shocking news. Get help from trusted friends and family members, or engage in a Free Live Chat with a professional relationship counselor.
Have a conversation with your partner. While it might be difficult to bring up the affair with your wife, you must be able to ask questions so you can determine exactly what happened. Find a quiet place to chat where you won’t be disturbed. If you don’t feel ready to talk to each other, Relationship Counseling may be a good option for you. It will provide you with a safe and confidential environment in which to discuss your concerns.
Avoid interrupting your partner’s conversation. Before answering, wait for him or her to finish. You will undoubtedly be surprised and upset but refrain from yelling or fleeing the room.
Request that your partner tells you the facts, no matter how hard it may be.
When lies are told early in an affair, recovery is often more difficult.
If necessary, ask questions, but keep your attention on the facts.
You may, for example, inquire as to how long the affair has been going on and what your partner wants to happen next. For many people, the most pressing question is “why?” But, a spouse may not be able to answer this right away, and his or her viewpoint may shift over time. ‘Were they better in bed than me?’ is a question to avoid. You may want to discuss this type of thing later, but it’s best to get the facts straight first.
Avoid blaming your wife, the affair partner, or yourself right away. It might be tempting to throw an insult at your partner or call their affair partner names, but this often gets in the way of true understanding. You should also avoid blaming yourself. You may believe that your flaws are to blame for the affair, but although you were both responsible for your relationship, you can never be held responsible for your partner’s decisions. A faithful spouse should never be held responsible for an affair.
Take the time to consider what you’d like to happen next. If your partner decides to end the affair and recommit to your partnership after you’ve identified the truth, don’t rush to judgment. You’ll have to consider whether you can forgive the betrayal of confidence, and you may not have all of the knowledge you need to make that decision yet. You will be able to make a decision only after talking and determining the reasons for the affair. You may, however, state that you’re willing to work with your partner to figure out what went wrong. You may find it beneficial to speak with a Relationship Counsellor at this stage, who can help you both figure out what to do next.
Affairs can occur for a variety of causes, and they can occur in both happy and troubled relationships. Listen to what your spouse has to say and don’t make assumptions if what she or he has to say contradicts what you’ve always believed about affairs.